Sigh. I admit it. I am overwhelmed. I bit off more than I can chew. And poor David, he's the one who gets the brunt of my stress-ness. It's sad really, but I am beginning to measure my time here in Chattanooga from emotional breakdown to emotional breakdown. But it's like once I finally just let that all out, I pick myself up and I am fine for the rest of the semester. I just want to make everyone happy and unfortunately, that really isn't the cards. If there was one thing I really want to work on, it is not caring so much what people think and being assertive enough to stand up for myself. ( I am pretty passive unless you just yank it out of me....unless you are Jake or John Mark and for some reason, I have no problem telling them exactly what I think.) It's funny; its not even the wedding that is really stressing me out. It is my thesis because....
1. I am the only PSI student doing a thesis. There is a lot of pressure for me to do well. If I get published, then PSI will be that much closer to establishing their PH.d program. Yeah, no pressure!
2. If I do my thesis, my chances of getting placed in Chattanooga strengthens significantly because there is only one psychologist in the whole city that is certified to supervise marriage and family therapists/LPCs and he happens to be my thesis professor.
3. The quality of Christian research is poor to say the least. Without good research, no one will ever take having a relationship with God as a viable therapy option.
4. On a personal level, I want to see if I can do it. Maybe I will not necessarily choose an academic career, but I want the opportunity to turn it down. Unless we push ourselves, we will never know what we are capable of. I think i am capable of a lot. It's hard to live with that type of mentality, but it's also what keeps me growing.
I am also taking a DSM class which requires a lot of reading. I dont' know if anyone has picked up the DSM lately, but it isn't a fun read. Plus, a lot of disorders are a lot alike so keeping them differentiated in your head isn't easy. There is nothing I emjoy more than sitting around 4 hours of the day and reading stereo instructions. Oh wait, not really.
So anyway, that is what is going on with me. I think I am over the worst of my crazy stressness. I have been reading several books about how to deal with stress and theoretically, I should know how to tell other people how to deal with it, but I don't. I think all the examples they always give are really dumb. I feel dumb doing them. I cant tell people how to deal with stress if I don't even do it. The best thing I have found is running. Running helps me think. I also like to play piano when I am stressed, but I no longer have a piano. And it's only fun to play when no one else is around. My mom offered to give me her piano when I buy a house, but that felt like stealing from her. She loves that piano. That would make me a bad daughter. I DO NOT steal from my parents....unless they are not looking. I used to steal my sisters clothes...but then she got tall and started beating me up. So I stopped.
So the moral of the story is...
Don't go to grad school unless you want to have no life or you like torturing family members.
The end. :)
Comments (7)
Dont forget that the exact thing you are researching... how God works miracles and is amazing... is the exact thing that can, and will, help you with that stress! I ALWAYS forget to stop and think... and then pray... you know, take a step back...
Anyway, good luck with it all! You are working on a very noble cause.
I always thought grad school was easier, but then I realized it was because the subject matter was more interesting to me. Some of those undergrad core classes (World History since 1500 - blah) were awful.
And also, there were fewer tests and more papers. No test anxiety to deal with!
Well, if it is the history of Duke's basketball program, you would be correct. Or maybe a class devoted to the story of my life.